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The Other Me

Day 175

I do not know how this thinking became dominant in my life, but I have lived toward my ideals more than toward who I thought I was, for as long as I can remember. Maybe because I've always been afraid of who I thought I really was...

Am I still afraid of that internal conflict? Probably, but I have made progress, and I believe I can and will make more progress. Living as the manifestation of my ideals is very noble-sounding, and I don't think I want to shed that entirely. There's nothing wrong with me wanting to be more honest, more helpful, and more respectful — all elements of the values and ideals I believe in — but I must be able to infuse some reality about my limitations and, yes, my addiction.

I do not need to wallow in my shame to know that I am guilty of bad acts. Neither do I need to craft an image of some sort of hero that is better than I am. I am not well-served by the extremes of my weaknesses nor the illusions of my perfections.



I didn't give second thought

To what the consequence might be

I really wouldn't be surprised

If you were trying to find another me

–Paul McCartney, "The Other Me"


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