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April 03 • Who Knows?

Day 268

I fear the day that I tell the wrong person about my addiction and the behaviors that define it. I know me well enough to know that if this were alcohol or drugs or even cancer that I would wear it on my sleeve. I would accept whatever shame or hesitation I might run into, and revel in the praise of going public with my particular bad thing so others could be encouraged. But I know this is different. And I know the dangers reach far beyond myself and even my family. This angst also gives me great pause about sharing my real name with others in the program. But I do, because that's an acceptable and maybe even necessary risk in some situations, but it's my choice.

I have had some fleeting fame in my life, as well as high-profile positions in faith-based organizations, and my ego wants me to believe I would make a good target for someone with anger issues toward the church or myself. Oddly, I've lost no sleep over this issue, but I am concerned enough to be careful. If it happens, it happens. I just hope I don't do anything more to increase the chances of it happening. Of course, there's always that possibility that it needs to happen for whatever reason my Higher Power's wisdom might presume.




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