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April 30 • What? Me Worry?

Day 295

The apostle Paul talked about the things that make us worry, saying he had learned to be content in all circumstances, in wealth and need. The secret, he says, is his Higher Power. That’s great, but I’ve spent many years carefully crafting this image of a man of God, filled with integrity and goodness. So what do I do with that? Already I am aware of my contentment to work the program or the problem and accept what comes; that’s not my issue. I’m still very much anxious about the chinks in my image. Even more so about what others will think of me if I lose my job, or — even worse — don’t do my job well. I still worry about people disagreeing with me and my decisions. I fear that I’m not doing enough for other people, especially my wife, as I’m so focused on recovery. Still, it feels right to keep this priority, because whatever the ‘negative’ consequences of being ‘found out,’ they have to be better than living without regard in the world of sex and self-destruction from which I have been extricated. I am blessed. Today, I will be content with that.




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