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August 04 • Respond and Bless

Day 391

More than a few times, I have imagined my future as a humble, nearly cowering individual who must be satisfied with life's leftovers, because even that is more than he deserves. When I committed to recovery, that would have been enough for me.

The program shows me not only a way out of the abyss, but evidence through my fellows teaches me that we are not called to be whipped dogs begging for scraps; we are being given another chance, and that has responsibilities, as well as blessings.

Life is coming back to me. Sometimes I pinch myself because, in many ways, I feel I have not only survived my acting-out, but in a broader sense, I have survived who I was even before that. Sharing that with others who need to know will be both a responsibility and a blessing.

But I still wonder... are my improving thoughts about life and the future in spite my past, or because of it?



I sit in the dark light

To wait for the ghost night

To bring the past to life

To make a toast to life

'Cause I have survived

–The Smashing Pumpkins, ”I of the Mourning"



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