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August 17 • Goooooal!

Day 404

Big, bold goals have never been a part of my routine thinking; finish the day, finish the project, finish the task has always been my satisfaction. I've lived with the assumption for so long — even before acting out with others — that I would soon be caught in my misbehaviors and then shamed and rejected; I was content to do the day's tasks until then.

Why would I work toward a goal that was surely going to be upended by the disclosure of my real self?

Now I am at the end of a career, I am an admitted sex addict, and I am virtually free of those fears. Without trying, I find myself thinking about the future with ideas that are just a step or two away from learning to making them goals, and it feels right and good.

Even in the face of the problems that could yet be caused by someone going public with details of my transgressions, it seems I've accepted that as a risk I cannot control, as opposed to an inevitable disaster waiting to happen. I think this is evidence of healing. I know it is refreshing.



And I enjoy the liberty of being what I want to be

And achieve any goals that I can

–Johnny Cash, ”Song of the Patriot"



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