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August 21 • Painting With Partners

Day 408

Even now, I am uncertain about the line between the man I portrayed and the struggling addict I was. In the early days of recovery, I could see a bright boundary between the two, but that was more a comparison of realities than an analysis of the real from the imagined.

I find I am less enamored with defining these conflicts than I was, partly because so many memories of the personified man are blurring away as recovery brings healing and helps me look at today instead of days lost. And in part, because I am weary of trying to figure out such things.

How I got here is important and worth the difficult days of facing down those old demons, but staying here — sober — is more important, so I choose to look backward under the tutelage of those who have made this journey before and to learn from them about the necessary balances. I am content allowing the painting of my past life to remain on the canvas and even allow some of the textures to show through. But I am more able to enjoy the new colors and new subjects as the hues of this new life take form and cast the old life into the illusions of the past.




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