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December 12 • Stepping on My Steps

Day 521

Is it faith or desperation that makes us choose recovery rather than continuing our lives in addiction? For me, it started in despair because I believed that I would have no life left following the next time I drove drunk, or the first time I would get caught in my acting-out.

One day I heard a guy telling my story, but he was claiming it as his own. He also talked about his recovery journey, and I began thinking that maybe I could turn the table and own that. It boggles my mind to think about how long I attended 12 Step meetings while taking no — absolutely zero — steps toward stopping. What did I think I was doing?

So maybe there was some faith in there somewhere. Maybe my breaking heart was yearning unknowingly for the power of community. Perhaps it's the only earthly power that is greater than addiction, at least on the good days. I am thankful for the community of which I have become a part. I am grateful for their attitudes toward me that said,

"Come on in, we're here when you need us."

Not if, but when.



That's just my heart talking

It's talking

Sometimes I don't know what to say

Pretend to look the other way

Are you talking, are you talking to me?

–Ron Sexsmith, ”Just My Heart Talkin'"



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