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December 16 • Brain Pain

Day 525

The problem with being two-faced for most of my life is that I never really knew which face was actually mine. At some point, I just accepted that they were two halves of the same coin.

As I accept my addiction diagnosis and life with the consequences of my behaviors, it is challenging to adapt to the diseased-reality of having a brain that has perverted my desires and goals at a biological level. However, as recently as yesterday, I have been able to use that information to employ the strength to be honest at a deeper, more intimate level with my wife. The courage to initiate hard conversations that I have avoided with plague-like fear is beginning to come easier.

Part of that new freedom comes from a wife that is facing some hard realities of her own. She is working hard to receive my fearful initiations without causing me to regret that level of honesty.

I am moving in the right direction to accept myself as I am, instead of how I want to be or how my addict tells me I am.



Stay in your lane

Keeping it tame

This is your brain

Then she walks right by

And that all goes out the window

And your IQ starts to dwindle

–Joe Diffie, ”This is Your Brain"



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