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December 17 • Next Time

Day 526

My life as a sex addict was always about chasing, never about finding. Even as I would be telling myself that I had found something, I was already planning the next search. I always believed that the next encounter would fulfill me or ease my pain or even take my life.

As long as I did not stay where I was, I was up for trying again. And again.

Nothing in me wants that life back, yet the fantasy-laced mental gyrations that led me there have not gone away, and it seems that they may never release me. So my task lies in conquering them today and developing skills and tools and mental muscles that will make me stronger tomorrow.



I found that the moment I got nothing left

Is when I gotta take just one more step

'Cause if I don't

I won't see the victory that's gonna come next

–Annie Bosko, ”Fighter"



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