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December 30 • Balancing

Day 174

The combination of 'faith' and 'doubt' as tools and sometimes obstacles in my recovery is an odd mix. Faith that things will get better is a big part of recovery (otherwise, why would we try), but having too much faith in my progress can also be a trap that excuses not doing the work that I know is necessary for my sobriety. Doubting my ability to be honest and persistent is depressing and debilitating; working to prove those doubts wrong is motivating.

How many times have I talked about balance? How many times have I failed to rest in the comfort of balance? How many more times can I live and breathe in the fringes of balance before I fall down from fatigue.

Let's not find out. Not today.



I fell to the bottom

I could not see the top

To reach what was hidden

I had to balance on loose rocks

–Hear the Sea, "Balancing On Loose Rocks"


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