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February 11 • Numb and Dumber

Day 217


My sponsor is encouraging me to trust the steps; “Feelings follow behaviors,” he offered.


That seems a little like “fake it till you make it,” but it’s also the opposite of chasing those feelings that gave me permission to act out, to use and hurt people in pursuit of my selfish desires or needs. In a space between being good for the sake of being good — and acting out for the sake of feeding my fires — is a place where the heart went numb.


A numb heart is the worst. I can’t go back there.


–JR

 

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