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February 14 • My (Little) Funny Valentine

Day 220

Gallows humor has always been a favorite way of self-distraction and even group brightening when appropriate. But it is different now. It's a long way from where I am today to that place where I'll be able to make light comments about what I've done.

Actually, that's not entirely true; the thoughts and jokes do come to me in what I think is a healthy fashion, but no one around me is ready to hear them — and may well never be — so I give them a brief moment and maybe an inner smile, then move on. That's okay.

Humor has been a large part of my masking, as well as my desire to generally put people at ease. I don't want to lose the good use, but I do want to stop hiding behind the smiles, diverting the pain, and avoiding hard conversations. There is truth in humor — a lot of it. There is also deceit and deflection. It's kind of like sex; I seek the good and healthy kind, without the sarcastic and destructive versions.




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