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February 16 • Am I Responsible?

Day 222

I still use the phrase, "If sex addiction is real..." before vocalizing that I am a sex addict. I don't understand this, because I do believe it is real; I do believe I am an addict: I do know it has nearly ruined my life and has stolen much that I can never get back. So I am flummoxed at my reluctance to tell people, even fellow addicts, about how real my addiction is.

I do not want to be an addict, but I am. I do not want to be the guy that did the things I did, but I am. I do not want to blame some psycho-babel for my weaknesses and sins... and I still don't know what to do with that last thing that I 'do not want.' I am responsible for my actions, yet they are born of something baffling that I cannot control on my own.

These confusions are just more of the many contradictions that are nonetheless true in my recovery. They are also the fodder of the demon-lies of my addict brain.




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