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February 23 • Irony & Righteousness

Day 229


It's interesting to me that my persona as this helper-communicator and great relationship-builder — this good-guy that everyone loves (or so he believed) — is suddenly forced to look to others for recovery.


It is almost too much to recognize how much I have craved my alone time for so many years, and now I must avoid isolation. It is hard to give in and give up in healthy ways. I have to learn to practice what I've preached (literally) in surrendering; not just to my Higher Power, but also to this group of addicts and this other group of family and friends that I've loved and hurt beyond measure. Much of my time now is living in a conundrum of irony and righteousness.


I might even say that this is all evidence of God's sense of humor, but I am still reluctant to drag Him into this. Is He here? Of course, He is. I know without question that He is in the middle of my community and recovery. It seems to me that He must be here among the broken because He wants to be, not because any of us have the power to make Him. I still struggle with my right to lean on a Higher Power after what I've done. I am wrong about that, but that's where my mind is today.


–JR

 

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