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July 10 • Co-Duplicity

Day 366

The idea that my fellows in 12 Step meetings know things about me — know certain ways of my thinking that even my wife doesn't know — has been a struggle for me, and I think for her. Having married in our teens, we grew up together, and we both came from the religious and social contracts that suggested or even stipulated that everything we do is for the other person.

We are meant to be not just the most intimate of friends, but maybe even the ONLY close friends of each other. No matter the subject, anything that one of us knew or did that the other was not involved in existed by definition on the slippery slope toward failure.

I still believe a lot of that, and I'm still not comfortable with navigating the parts that are now outside the boundaries because of my addiction and the resulting need for these unique relationships with other recovering addicts. It's even been suggested that some of those rules we've lived by may not be so healthy; that they may contribute to specific dysfunctions under the category of co-dependency. But neither do I claim a good understanding of co-dependency, other than to recognize it exists, and that my wife and I are likely both heavy users.




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