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July 11 • Unworthy x2

Day 367

I have been guilty of believing that I was the 'superior person' in nearly every relationship I've ever had, especially the romantic ones. It has been a source of self-righteousness and a way of thinking that would often cause me to 'put-up' with those that were beneath me ethically, romantically, spiritually, or morally.

The value that I placed on any given relationship would begin declining almost immediately. But I would hang in there because that made me even more better...

My God, is this really me??

I cannot deny these thoughts, but I've never acknowledged them, and they seem very dangerous. Duh! Ya think?? And I can remember having these musings about girlfriends as far back as 7th grade, and even back a few years further for my guy friends.

This is extraordinary arrogance, and not saying it out loud also seemed to give me deniability... with myself. But here am I, no longer denying I felt that way and no longer accepting it as acceptable. Now I have another problem; to paraphrase Groucho Marx...

"Why would I want to spend my time and life with someone who would lower themselves to be with someone like me?"




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