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July 21 • A Mortal Blowhard

Day 377

Can there truly be a mortal blow to all this addiction? God, let it be so. I do not believe in a magic pill that fixes things once and for all, and I've witnessed the lives and testimonies of men that have completed the program, then completed it again, then again. So if there's a cure, I'd welcome it, but I'm not waiting on it.

That means the mortal blow could come in the form of bringing into light those things about myself that feed on the shadows of my isolation to gain strength enough to make me act-out. The mortal blow could come from facing myself in the mirror and committing to change.

And the mortal blow could come from asking God to take away our defects, and in that process to name them individually. And then to name the new ones as they emerge along the way and be convinced of the need for vigilance in this rage against addiction.

But even with that, even with each defect with which I come to terms, and even with the assets that I rely upon, each listing and recitation of my defects is at best a peaceful snapshot in time with danger still lingering around every corner. At worst, it would be part of a larger play where I'm caught dancing around the real issues and refusing to be honest.

It is honesty in this moment, and in the next, that will deliver the mortal blow to my addiction, and I do not have the power of that level of truth-telling without my High Power.




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