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July 28 • Misdirections

Day 384

When I began facing my issues in recovery steps, I believed in my resentments. I believed that I needed to confront them and eventually find a way to let them go, but I also believed in my right to be hurt and to accommodate that pain in various ways.

Something odd has happened as I've continued through the steps and experienced releasing small chunks of my addiction-feeding defects. I've come face-to-face with a new reality that forces me to recognize the delusional aspect of much of what I've thought I had a right to hold on to, a right to blame for my behaviors, even as I swore they were not responsible for what I did.


It's hard admitting that I've been mad at the wrong things, the wrong people, the wrong values. I am saddened and amazed at my ability to delude myself, and how much a part of me it was in my addictive state.




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