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June 23 • Let It Go

Day 349

Perhaps one of the biggest lessons or skills I am learning from recovery is finding peace in doing something today that is building a better bridge to an uncertain future. That doesn’t sound right, but it is right.

I’ve never been all that good at delayed gratification. Even when I was preparing for future needs or positioning myself for my ambitions, I’d still choose paths that also — or primarily — brought me pleasure or a sense of accomplishment for that moment.

Many of the steps I’m taking in recovery are faith-based in that I don’t see what good it’s going to do for me today. Still, I believe in what I’ve seen from people around me who live better lives long after they turn to doing the right things instead of the expeditiously seductive thing. I write because it lines-up my heart and head for better thinking. I meditate because it grounds my soul for the unknown, as well as the known. I love because I can’t help it, not because I want something. I say ‘no’ because that creates more life and opportunities than saying ‘yes’. I say ‘yes’ for tomorrow instead of today, as an act of living one day at a time.

Yes, that appears to be more recovery contradictions. It’s born from recognizing my preference for the now, and my need to let go of the then, and my desire for a better ‘not yet’.



I will wait for it

I'm not too late for it

Until then, I'll sing my song

To cheer the night along

–James Vincent McMorrow, ”Higher Love"


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