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March 04 • Fanning the Fame Flames

Day 238

Fame, and touching fame, has always been a thing for me. In one high-profile job, I even kept copies of all the newspaper clippings which quoted me, and I called it my Fame File. But it was also less about what I wanted to be or do, and more about what I perceived others expected of me, especially my father. And the more he bragged about me, the more I drilled into that world.

Somewhere along the line, I became something other than what I wanted, so my whole persona became mostly fake. So I retreated into isolation to find my happy places, and there I would do things I would never do in the light. More and more.

I'm not blaming anyone but myself, and I don't know how much of this is true truth, but it is consistent with my feelings now, memories of my feelings then, and my behaviors. This is how it seems to me.




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