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March 14 • Honestly Deceitful

Day 248


Honesty. Honesty. Honesty. It seems to me that these are the three legs of the three-legged stool of recovery.


DIShonesty was certainly the props of my addiction; I trace my issues to the conflict-avoiding deceits of my youth, then one day I embraced my lies to pursue whatever the hell it was that I was pursuing while acting out. Now I have to learn how to tell the undefended truth, and it is nothing short of life-changing work. This recognition continues to shock and depress me.


It seems my addict brain has abandoned all efforts to get me to act-out sexually and has re-focused all his powers on getting me to create new 'deflections' in the name of not hurting those around me, but I see it clearly as the trap of the slippery slope. I'm not perfect; I cannot yet claim the achievement of undefended honesty, but I want to.


I must get there, or I fear I will end up nowhere.


–JR

 

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