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March 14 • Snow Jobs

Day 614

It is snowing today in Central Indiana. Beautiful, big, fluffy snowflakes giving us a mid-March surprise smile. A couple of days ago, it was 70 degrees, and I was beginning to plan my spring yard work and the new irrigation system I've been designing. But today, everything is turning white, and the frozen memories of Christmas and snow angels mix with the aroma of my steaming coffee as I stare out the window.

It's funny how I do not think about the time I crashed my brand new car, or when a winter storm kept me from attending a family funeral, or the day I had to leave my wife and small children huddled in a blizzard-covered car on the side of the road while I went trekking through two feet of new powder looking for help. Remembering those things now gives me a shiver. I take comfort knowing that the snow will melt and I'll soon be doing the investment-improving tasks of taking care of my house.

And then the thought comes to me that this is sometimes my story with the addictive thoughts I do not want to have, memories of acting out that do not include the pain, the danger, or the consequences that are always part of the deceptive life. The difference is, the snow will always melt here in Indiana, and the temperature will always return to normal. I can enjoy the fluffy view and pleasant recollections, but if I venture out and do not retain the lessons I've learned of how to drive — and not drive — in the snow, I'm likely to experience the same expensive mistakes over and over again.

I do not have the luxury of smiling at my acting out. Those thoughts are poison and rarely go away on their own. The sun does not necessarily come out tomorrow when we are wallowing in the addict brain's game. If I do not fight these incursions, they will only become more powerful; they will not melt away on their own.

Thinking about crashes and snowstorms are not how I want to spend my time watching one of God's beautification events. And, I do not want to carry this metaphor too far, but neither do I want to miss the message that my Higher Power may be giving me today.

There is beauty all around me, and there are also ways to destroy myself by not respecting the properties and the prospects of all of it.

I may not be able to control the unwelcome thoughts that enter my head, but I am learning that I sure as hell do not have to let them loiter there until they become the enemy of all I love. Not today!




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