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March 25 • Stand on This

Day 259


“Standing on principle” has been an overt act of self-strategy for most of my life. As I’ve gotten older, even before I began acting out, I began to look back on my relentless attempts to stand on principle and recognize that most of the time, it was futile and certainly unproductive, except for continuing to build my persona.


I think the effort, or at least desire, to find a way to release myself from that interminable obsession played a role in putting myself in dangerous situations with little regard for the consequenses. I didn’t dare just go out and do something outrageous on purpose, but if it happens to happen to me, that's different. I can connect those dots — another example of my self-reliance and lack of courage.


Does that mean I should not stand on principle? Of course not. However, if I am in balance with myself, I will better understand when it’s about my image and it’s just time to sit down, versus when it is a substantive issue worth finding a hill to die on.


–JR

 

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