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March 26 • Is OK Okay?

Day 626


I’m doing okay. However, according to a popular TV commercial about internet service, being ‘just okay’ is ‘not okay.’ Compared to how I was doing a couple of years ago, I am doing GREAT; even compared to last March, there is a lot of progress and relief. But then something happens, usually a memory of something unpleasant triggered by something unrelated, and I slip back to just okay. Not bad, but not good enough. I finished my 12 Step workshop about three months ago — the End. I had met my commitment to a year-long fellowship with others in recovery where we worked the Steps and our programs every week, with homework in between meetings. I did it! It is now clear to me that there is another workshop in my future. Not because I’m slipping and I need the lifeline, but because it helped me be a better person. I learned to face myself in productive ways, and I connected dots that needed connecting. As I continue to journal and go to regular meetings, I hear people talking about re-working their Fourth Step or re-examining their Eighth Step, and I realize that as good of an experience as it was, it wasn’t enough. It’s a little like watching a great movie, then discussing it with others that have seen it and realizing there were nuances and details that you just missed, and you start looking forward to seeing it again so you can look for what you missed (can you say Sixth Sense?). It’s a lot like that. If someone had told me I’d feel like this before I started the workshop, I probably would have been more reluctant to go in the first place. But it’s a valuable lesson for me to remind myself that this is a journey with lots of curves and surprises, and most all of them well worth it.


So if today is just OK, that's okay, or even 'otay' ;-)


–JR

 

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