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May 08 • Stop to Go

Day 669

I heard a line this morning that I've been thinking about all day. I'm pretty sure it's been said before, probably lots of times, but it struck a nerve this time.

"By admitting that I am powerless over certain addictive thoughts and behaviors, I become powerful against those very things."

Yes, I understand that this is a fundamental concept of 12 Step programs. We talk about surrendering, being unable to individually resist our baffling and cunning disease, and other expressions of how our worlds are out of our control. So what was so different about this line this time? If an evil army is approaching my position, it is not intuitive to me that raising the white flag is the right move. But such is the apparent reality for facing my advancing addiction demons. It is only when I'm able to stop lying about something that temps me or acknowledge that something bothers me when it shouldn't, that I begin to see those things differently, less controlling of me. It is then that I am most often able to move on to the next chuckhole in the road that needs navigational adjustments. I love the nuanced wisdom of a 12 Step meeting, especially when it comes from someone just trying to share a thought or even a confession about something that may or may not be related to what I bring to the discussion. By listening to each other, we hear things for the first time that we're sure we've heard before.



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