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May 20 • Coulda Dun More

Day 315


Comparing myself to other people has not been a big problem for me over the years, at least not consciously. But the exercise of comparing myself to that which I should have been, or that which I can become, is an obsession. I've never felt uplifted or improved by these thoughts. They are almost always focused on the things I've done wrong and what I need to do to improve. This has been a constant reminder to me that in most aspects of my life, I've always been less than I should be, leaving me in a continual state of feeling like I don't deserve what I do have, and what I have accomplished. It translates from my spirit as humility and "I am so blessed," but the reality is I feel like a failure most of the time. As I sit here today, the most significant thing I've ever accomplished feels like when I decided to stop empowering my addiction and to choose to live in the real world. My next most significant accomplishment may well be the next thing I do, or the last thing I do. But none of it will be worth a whit if it's not within the honesty and reality of recovery, and the love of my wife and family.


–JR

 

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