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May 27 • Corner Coaching

Day 688

It's strange even to consider that complacency could be a problem for me. It's not been that long since being at peace meant giving up and giving in to my impending self-destruction. The idea that my current relative stability, shaky as it is, could become an opening for a quick jab from my addict is almost laughable. But there it is, and here I sit regrouping in my corner.


While trying to breakdown last weekend's speedbumps, I mentioned to my wife the other night that I had been feeling so good for so long that I was beginning to think I might not need to keep taking my anti-depressant meds, and may even be able to cut back on my 12-Step meetings.


If I was looking for some affirmation for her support of my recovery efforts, it came in loud and clear. With a mix of affection and anxiety, she pointed out that the last time I stopped the meds was the first time that my acting-out crossed the line between fantasy and reality. She also made it clear that as much as she wishes she could be the source of strength that I get in the meetings and other addicts, she recognizes the good they have done and continue to do.


Complacency is not a threat to me today; I'm still reeling from my struggles of the last week, and I find I'm grateful for the reminder that I am still in training with lots to learn.


I will be an addict in recovery for as long as it takes.


–JR

 

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