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November 17 • Stay Stead Go

Day 496

It's been a couple of weeks since I first started feeling this 'new' thing, and then a few more days to figure out how to express it. Yesterday, I described to my wife that it has become 'easier' to love her. This awareness is not about solving the difficulties of love relationships. However, the constant internal battles of my past are at least on hiatus; hopefully, they are cleansed from my soul.

That last bit is probably overly optimistic, but it's so nice to hope that what I'm feeling today might stay, instead of that previous hope for what I'm feeling to go away. It's one of those small/big things surrounded by a small/big nuance.

Is this another of the program's Promises coming to pass, or just a maturing of a healing heart and brain?

I guess those options may be a choice between the same thing. The Promises are not a description of a quid-pro-quo between the heart and mind; they are but observations of what most often happens when an addict can commit to the process, even while they are still as cynical as I was when I committed.

I am today a little less cynical. Again.



If I go back once again

It's like

I learned nothing

Standing at the front

Of a queue

Heading for trouble

–Will Young, ”Changes"



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