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November 26 • The Hurrier I Went...

Day 505

Amazon same-day deliveries notwithstanding, my ability to wait for things has been remarkable during my first full year of recovery. I don't remember ever thinking of myself as an instant-gratification sort of guy, but I guess it's undeniable in hindsight, even before my acting out.

The greatest pride I had in my career ascensions was that I did so many things at a much younger age than most. I was always on the lookout for that next great accomplishment, and I did it in the name of an eager ambition to serve God in mighty ways.

Who was I kidding? I didn't even finish my college degree because it was going to take another whole year, or maybe longer; now, I sign-up for a year-long recovery workshop like it's a trip to Starbucks.

My patience with quarrels and discomforts have astounded me as I've been able to stay present when I would previously have run away and hidden. I do not understand these things to the point of ascribing cause and effect, but I see it happening. Not every time, not perfectly, but way better.

Perhaps when you think your world is more likely to blow up than shower you with blessings, it's easier to be patient for those good things that you know you do not deserve anyway. But I don't think I'm supposed to see it that way as it suggests I hold myself in low esteem. Well, some things I cannot sweep away just because I want to. That is why I celebrate that which I see and cannot explain — there is so much more I do not understand but want to believe.

Each time I'm patient, the belief is easier and more pleasant.



I'm in a hurry to get things done

Oh I rush and rush until life's no fun

All I really gotta do is live and die

But I'm in a hurry and don't know why.

–Alabama, ”I'm in a Hurry (And Don't Know Why)"



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