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October 25 • Colors of Time

Day 473

When I argue with myself about exactly when I became a sex addict, I can remember relative differences between a time when I could feel my joy with loved ones and a time when my numbness masked my joylessness. This expanse covers a lot of years, and I'm not even sure this thinking is a proper way to define the birth of my addiction, but it helps to remember that there was a time when there was more light than dark, especially around my loved ones.

I want to see the colors of the world the way my wife does, but it's just not likely to happen because of our differences. But the idea of having joy because of what I can see, and for her because of what she can see, is a dream worth pursuing.

We've come a long way already since I disclosed to her.



The writing is on the wall, baby

We're different as day and night

But I guess that I refused to face it

The blues in black and white

–Randy Travis, ”The Blues in Black and White"



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