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October 29 • Running from Women

Day 477

For more than 430 days, I have successfully been avoiding interacting with the public. That's pretty tough for a CEO/fundraiser that has made a career out of speaking and persuading. Now I am facing voluntary early retirement and finding a new job so I can buy food and pay bills.

The real world is rushing toward me, and I am uncertain — at best — how I will interact with it. Even more concerned is my wife, so my addict has an inroad to mess with my mind for my wife's sake.

I have not yet identified a 'safe' job for which I would be capable and qualified that would not require this step into the unknown. I mean, what if I have to develop professional relationships with (God forbid) women? Is that going to be harder for my wife or for me? Is it right to run from this as long as possible, or do I need to believe that I am ready and then go out and prove it?

There is much at risk. Is the risk higher in trying or in hiding? Is the risk more acute in failing or in succeeding? Except for all my emotions, thoughts, and mistakes, I've never been good at hiding from things, so...

Okay, so I cannot afford to do the hiding thing anymore; just can't. This seems like a good moment for the serenity prayer.



Scary monsters, super creeps

Keep me running, running scared

–David Bowie, ”Scary Monsters"



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