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September 03 • Amending Priorities

Day 787

Twenty-six months into sobriety, twenty-five months since disclosure, nine months since completing my first 12 Step workshop, and I still have amends to give. I’m starting to be a little concerned about why I have not taken the time to do them.

I am not aware of any particular stress surrounding my remaining amends. Still, I read something in my meditation book for today that is giving me more pause, and maybe more motivation.

“I reminded myself that I’m making amends for me because it’s the right thing to do and because God wants me to learn and experience love.” **

Somewhere along the line, I allowed myself to forget (surely I knew at some time) that the amends are for me. Hopefully, they will also bring some healing or understanding to the person receiving the amend, but it is not likely to change their lives, at least not compared to how much it could change mine.

Most of the people still on my unfinished list are in my life and close to me (my wife, for example), and I am slightly aware of some uneasiness continuing around certain issues, but it’s not something I think about often. However, my recovery experience to date has been that these nagging ‘little’ nudges are generally the tip of some underlying iceberg that has the potential for sinking my ships.

I need to get busy with these. There is some motion surrounding the creation of a new 12 Step meeting that I would likely take the lead on, and I think I need to finish this step before jumping into that role. I know I will never be done with such things, so maybe this is an effort to avoid both the amends and committing to another meeting, but it feels (today) more like a Higher Power reminder of something I need to prioritize, or multiple things I need to move to the top of my todo list.

I hate when He does that. I am also very grateful.


** Sex Addicts Anonymous, Voices of Recovery

Health Communications Inc., Kindle Edition.



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