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September 07 • Couraging

Day 425

Courage, or more specifically, the lack of it, has been a big part of my failures. Even as I learn more and more in recovery, my fears can be debilitating, especially fears about what people think of me. I withdraw, I overthink, and I punish people that do not deserve it.

At the same time, I am experiencing a bit of a resurgence of the courage that I've missed most of my life. It's not easily called forth, but it is there. My thoughts are more courageous, and much of my recovery requires more courage than I've routinely displayed.

But then I have a day like I had today, and it feels like starting over. And it reminds me that I am an addict and that courage and honesty must strengthen and grow, even as I seek to release these childish behaviors that are so difficult to live with or without.



Seal my heart and break my pride

I've nowhere to stand and now nowhere to hide

Align my heart, my body, my mind

To face what I've done and do my time

–Mumford & Sons, ”Dust Bowl Dance"



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