April 08 • Mr. Loneliness

Day 639 Loneliness is lonely. I don't mean to be trite or redundant, but the fact is that sometimes I feel lonely. Often there is a good reason for it, such as grief or other loss. Just as often, it is likely to be out of self-induced boredom, or even allowing some of my addict's words to enter in and rest inappropriately on my soul.

But the fact is, feeling guilty for allowing myself to feel lonely is not productive. I don't like it when I have strep throat either, but acting like it doesn't hurt and trying to live life as if I'm healthy extends my illness and puts other people at risk. Or even COVID-19...enough said.

Loneliness is real, whether or not I want it to be. It brings out certain feelings and challenges me to find a way back into community where I can find strength or help in standing with others who know what loneliness is.

I cannot pretend I am not lonely anymore than I can give in to the desire to wallow in the shame and thoughts that my addict infuses into my weak moments. –JR