February 04 • Not Treating Myself Well

Day 210 I don’t know how to treat myself gently. This idea seems to be a recurring theme in recent 12 Step meetings, readings, and lessons, that in recovery we need to be easy on ourselves; that I need to find a way to grieve my losses and put them into perspective. That’s not easy. I’ve not yet found that place in my heart that says it’s okay not to hate myself or my deeds or my thoughts or my trail of damaged lives and relationships. Things I need to learn have often come in bunches so I will try to be open to this flood of this theme all around me. I am listening. I want to move on, but maybe I can’t move with only a vacuum to replace the hate. I am trying. It is very trying. –JR