February 19 • Slow for My Speed

Day 225 I learned to slow down when I was acting out. I never knew if it was part of giving in or just so much shame that I couldn't "look the world in the eye" because of what I was doing. Either way, it seems to be ironically serving me well now. My larger concern is whether I'm slowing down TOO much. The energy drain is still enormous — very much like it was during acting out but for very different reasons. A persistent sense deep in my soul says that this is what is necessary to deal with my addiction. I cannot fall back into the abyss of acting out, but I must again find the energy to live productively. Balance. Balance. Balance. I've believed in balance my entire professional life, but I honestly don't think I've ever actively sought it. Now I understand my very life may depend on it. –JR