January 14 • Taking My Chances

Day 189 I was the master of my deception, the cleverest of liars, the victimless addict. Except I wasn't any of those things. My wife was sick and feeling crazy and I was not even picking up on the depths of her lostness. As I began to see those lies more clearly, and the truths of what I was doing to others, the 'no way out' despair began taking over, and my response was to... accelerate; more often, more dangerous, more daring. It took months before I could clearly choose to live, instead of just taking my chances and hoping that circumstances–or a moment of dark courage–would resolve everything. –JR