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June 10 • Numbnutz

Day 336 There was a time when I thought peace with the world was a realistic goal; I expected it. Then life started happening, and I gave up on peace within and just focused on not getting hurt and not hurting others. I now suspect those two goals are a bit self-contradicting: the less I am willing to be hurt, the more likely I am to hurt someone else, even if it is passively. Maybe especially IF it is passively . All of that pushed me to a place where I needed to feel again, wanted to, and I think that's when I started taking stupid chances with my life and then with others'. I am back to believing peace is possible and worth seeking and working for whatever I can receive of it. I don't have high expectations of ever 'arriving' at peace, but the hope is sufficiently real that I think I can enjoy the journey without sacrificing feelings. Slowly it is becoming clear to me that the tendency of protecting through numbness is far more dangerous and damaging than seeking peace in the realms of pain and the unknown. –JR

June 10 • Numbnutz
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