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May 13 • Used and Using

Day 308 When I even thought about the horrible things I was doing, the only person I felt bad about in terms of whom I was hurting was my wife. I was so determined not to get caught (at least initially), and if I did get caught to never tell her anything. I just didn't worry that much. I lived in a world of satisfying myself, without regard to the people I was using.

I don't understand this and don't ever remember another time when I did anything like that. I feel ashamed that I did so much to so many. From the women of the affairs to the women in the massage parlors, at best, I was using them; at worst, I was contributing to their own problems, whether sexual, relational, or even participating in illegal activities related to human trafficking.

Ironically, I did ask myself those questions, and I always gave myself the answers I wanted with little regard for the truth or access to it. Unbelievable. –JR

May 13 • Used and Using
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