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November 30 • and a Side of Addiction, Please

Day 509 I spent years carefully crafting my image into who I wanted to be and the antithesis of who I thought I was. During that time, there was always a handful of people who could bring me to the knees of my shame by looking right through me with disdain, or at least that’s what I thought they were doing. I was sure these people knew about my dark thoughts, and they were ostracizing me for being a hypocrite. The truth is probably more about fundamental personality conflicts, or even the differences between engineers (them) and warm-fuzzies (me), than anything that I attributed to my shame. But maybe these were people with their own demons on the loose, and they saw something in me that stirred their own darkness. Either way, it was a regular reminder of my two sides and how contradictory they were to one another. This memory is more evidence to me of how far back my addict brain was working against me. As a fellow in a workshop recently asked about himself during check-in, “Have I ever been sober? Was I ever not an addict?” I am sober today, and that’s a good start. –JR When all I got is sinking sand The trick ain't worth the time it buys I'm sick of hearing my own lies And love's a raven when it flies Meet me on the other side –The Other Side, ”David Gray"

November 30 • and a Side of Addiction, Please
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