September 11 • 9 Won 1

Day 795 September 11 — 9/11 — scares me. I guess it should, but I don't like it. The memories of that day in 2001, and of many days since, haunt that part of me that struggles between the forces of good and evil. In the days that followed the attacks on the United States, I worried about how the world would respond, and how our response could make life less safe — in the name of retribution. I do not have the wisdom to preach directionally on the philosophies of warfare and justice and retaliation. Still, I do have ideas about violence and justification and righteousness, and how the wrong mix of all those human traits can lead to animus against and among peoples for generations. If I ever resume my drinking and hanging out in bars, perhaps I can share those insights, real or imagined, with the other drunks that would be happy to take exceptions to my expressions and invite me into the parking lot. Or better yet, perhaps I'll become a politician and take on the establishments with my counsel and bitterness toward those whose bitterness has the power to kill. Today I'm thinking about how I've handled the personal attacks on me throughout my life and how I responded to them, and how that shapes my world views on other issues. If the way I've lived my life is a worthy model, it would suggest that when harm comes our way that we should respond with passive-aggressiveness, denial about the harm done to us, denial about the harm we are returning, and we should lie through our corrected teeth about all of it. Preaching love and forgiveness in the midst of our anger would help fuel our righteousness about what we were doing to make things better. Putting it like that puts 9/11 into perspective for me. There's a bit too much connection there to my response to being personally hurt. No matter what I thought about right and wrong, there were external pressures and internal desires that I manipulated to accomplish what my baser self wanted to do. Are those the actions of someone addicted to the pursuit of vengeance? Are we talking about sexual addiction or the addiction to political power? Damn. When I was in my twenties, I had serious, sincere, and very public ambitions to be politically significant. Is it possible that my addictions come from the same place as my aspirations? No wonder 9/11 scares me. –JR Even the devil he dances I got a lot of questions And I'm searching for answers We taught to believe in religion, but religion's The reason the Twin Towers are missin' Listen That was the past, but maybe now, you realize The man above us the only thing That keeps us alive –Nas, “Imagine”