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September 24 • Went Wrong to Go Right

Day 442

I have never been a big fan of myself. Self-loathing is not how I would describe those feelings, but I always thought I should be more than I was, better than I could be, and perfect in everyone's sight.

When I started acting out, I detested myself. Even as I verbalized all the This is the real me bullshit, I hated everything I did and everyone I had become. Even the good things I did — and there were many during these years — were tainted with why I was in a particular place to do good, or knowing it was all a pretense to create an opportunity to do wrong.

I'm doing better, but I still struggle with every little middle circle setback. The journey is worth it, but it is neither quick nor easy.




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