February 03 • Listen, Damnit!

Day 209 The writer in my devotion book this morning talked about how the fantasy world is filled with victories, and ne’er a failure. I guess that’s why it’s called Fantasy , because everyone, especially the first-person fantasizer, always gets whatever it is they are chasing. Wow. On the heels of my comments yesterday, this is something more than just an underscore. I was into the program for several months when someone first challenged my admissions of those baseline acting out things: ‘Don’t you fantasize?’ was the simple challenge. Well, of course I did; everyone does. Don’t they? Why would I mention that as one of my check-in misbehaviors? The idea that this was the entry drug into my horrible deeds is disturbing. For most of my life, I consciously denied to myself that my private thoughts were dangerous or had that kind of power. It’s also troubling because I recognize that other men I know who live too much in that world today will not listen to my warnings or even confessions. Not until they are ready to change. I didn’t. Damnit. –JR