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April 05 • 1+1=Old Me

Day 270

I was a deceitful, lying, sombitch, wrapped around a façade of integrity and Godliness. This duplicity has been the most difficult reflection for me to face in recovery. I’ve also had to come to terms with the possibility, even the likelihood, that both of those realities were true. That pseudo-schizophrenic duality is the contradiction and dichotomy of my life for many years. Until three years ago, I kept the former to myself, never sharing any part of that with anyone. Now I am faced with sharing it all to survive. I am sharing with strangers and loved ones alike, in different portions, with a single goal: recovery. Who I am on the other side of this is still an adventure in progress, but I welcome it. I trust, or at least am learning to trust, my Higher Power to be in control of that trajectory. I’ve preached this for years, and now I must practice it:

“The work is mine, the results are His.”




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