Day 208
As a life-long person of faith, I oddly struggle with the part of my 12-Step program that calls for releasing so much to my "Higher Power". It is not that I disagree with that concept at all, but I've been taught my whole life to do that, and I'm obviously not getting it in the context of church. Maybe it's as simple as my Addict rejecting what I believed to be true so I can more easily be deceitful. Perhaps I'm just not ready to embrace these scripturally consistent truths in a supposedly secular context. Maybe I'm just still in rebellion.
I still struggle a lot with the "will not regret" part of The Promises, or anything that says I should or will be thankful for my struggles. Actually, it's not the struggles — I've lived with those for most of my life — it's the acting out that causes such regret. So I guess what I'm truly thankful for is the growing honesty and humility to understand that I can't have one without the other; acting out and acting in surely feed each other, so I must guard against both.
Thank you for that understanding, God.
–JR
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