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January 10 • Causing Pain

Day 185

The pain that I have caused — and am causing still — to the people around me seems more than I can bear. My own pain and loneliness have been relentless, yet they linger now as the shadows of the collateral damage all around me; inflictions that block the sunshine and casts darkness over hope. These seem to be out of my control, and I feel I must recover to have any ability to make amends. It is a vicious cycle of shame and humiliation and even addictive deceit that continues to spin like a hurricane through the islands of my life.

I want to be a comforter, to restore those I have broken. Finding the balance between what I want to do, who I want to be, and how to best continue my recovery, is a huge challenge. Today, it is worth it.




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