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May 01 • Grateful for Thankfulness

Day 662

I am thankful for Sex Addicts Annonymous (SAA). There are other organizations and people passionate about helping the sex addict, and I am grateful for them as well. There was nothing so miserable and lonely as when I was supposedly living the life of sexual freedom. It was only when I started going to SAA meetings that I realized I had a problem that was not unique to the center of my universe. The topic at this morning's Step meeting was gratitude and the role it plays in our recovery. I'm surprised at how many of us take the time every day to make a list of the things for which we are thankful. I've not been one of those people. I want to think I'm a grateful person, and I do make mental lists regularly of the good things in my life, but I rarely, if ever, write them down. I loved listening to a group of 25 guys talking about the things for which they are thankful. One of the thoughts that struck me in a brand new way, and that I'm always looking for ways to better express, was about the difference between being sexually active and being a sex addict. As was said this morning,

"Sex addiction is only 5% about the dysfunctional sexual behaviors in our lives; it is 95% about the other dysfunctions of our lives."

I cannot attest to those percentages from a data perspective, but it sure sounds right to me. I also understand why people like spouses have such a difficult time grasping that. Another gentleman talked about the day he was arrested and had to face his wife with his life of sexual compulsions: "It was the best day of my life!" I presume he did not actually enjoy that day or the memories of it, but it was the day that he got his life back. The secret was out, and the healing could begin. I'm pretty sure that getting arrested and losing his job was worse than my rock bottom and the disclosure to my wife, but I do understand how that day began the unlocking process. I had told myself for months that I would never tell my wife all my sins, no matter what. My counselor convinced me that the disrespect that showed to my wife was more significant than the pain that the knowledge would bring. I'm grateful that the counselor pressed me on that, as painful as it was. There was a newcomer at today's meeting. He didn't talk much, but he blessed me just by being there. I'm always moved by newbies to remember the first day I walked into a meeting, and specifically the first time I heard the reading of The Promises. That reading is what got me to go back two or three times until I could begin to hear the voices of my story coming from other men. I am so thankful for the promises, and for them being fulfilled among us, and in my life. I am thankful for sex addicts that are teaching me the value of gratitude in the midst of trials and struggles and life as we know it.




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