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November 10 • Isolated Reminder

Day 489

Isolation continues to call my name. I don't seek it, but when it happens, I don't usually fight it unless I'm feeling situationally vulnerable. Without the program — without the calls and the meetings — I fear my hankering for 'alone time' would be much more dramatic than it currently is.

Even as I'm listening to its siren song, I know it is not a healthy place for me to go. I know that I would likely be okay once, or ten times, or a hundred times. But I also know that it is in that isolation that my addict lies, waiting for that perfect susceptible moment when my guard is down; when I'm enjoying being selfish and alone.

That all sounds so melodramatic that I hate even writing it down. But if I don't remind myself occasionally — or constantly — I will not only slide that direction, I will also allow the relationships in the program to fade out of my life because the twain would not long survive together.

I stand reminded.



I knew that then I know that now

But once you upgrade you can't go back down

I keep forgetting to remember to forget

All the lies and all the bullshit

–Murs, ”Rember 2 Forget"



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