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June 23 • I Believe in Yesterday

Day 715

I am thankful for yesterday. Not the yesterday of my addiction, just yesterday, June 22nd. The day before today. It was hard, and my brain still feels like my body often has the day after I would bale hay or move furniture or commit some other physical activity that requires the use of muscles that I prefer to avoid overworking. But like with the physical activity, I'm better for it.

Capturing the positives from such a negative day is more than an exercise in blowing sunshine; it is vital for me to cope with the random reminders of why I'm writing this journal. Not only am I a sex addict, but I am also a sex addict within a community of sex addicts. Together we are committed to individual recovery as well as communal help for those who are struggling today, those who struggled in their pasts, and those who may be struggling in the future. That's a pretty great gift, and being someone that fits into the description of a past, present, and future addict-in-need, I am pleased that I had the opportunity to exercise some of those muscles of the mind.

Like a lot of recovery, I wouldn't wish a day like yesterday on anyone. Neither would I want to prevent it if it was needed to help process and strength the resolve that can weaken without notice.

If it was easy, anyone could do it.

I reap what I sow; it was true living in the shadows, and it's true in recovery. However, the blooms are much more beautiful than the weeds... and apparently more delicate.



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