April 11 • Avoiding

Day 276 Because of my addiction and fear, there are days when I see myself slipping away from every valuable group and association of which I'm a part. They slip away because I'm afraid to maintain my roles in the shadow of disclosures, or just because my interests are changing.

And aside from SAA (which so far has just been for me, not my wife), I'm not investing in new associations. Sometimes that's for the same reasons, but frequently it's because of the fear of new enmeshments, a fear of my wife's that I wish to respect. It is also a realization that this is my new reality and that I must avoid situations that can lead me to places I cannot resist. –JR